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Kenneth Che-Tew Eng - Songbook

- Dedicated to Kenneth Che-Tew Eng - writer, philosopher, artist, sociopath -  whose tireless efforts to spread the gospel of his own perfection inspired these songs.

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KENNY'S BRAIN (extended version)
Sung to the tune of "Pinky And The Brain"
 
(We need a good beat, folks, so hum the tune! Pam pam pam, pa-pa-pa-pam pam pam...)
 
Look into Kenny's brain!
Look into Kenny's brain!
He thinks he's a genius - but he's insane!
C. Eng he is so lame,
It's really quite a shame!
It's kooky,
It's crazy in his brain, brain, brain, brain...
 
(Second verse!)
 
Have you seen Kenny's brain?
He flushed it down the drain!
So how he keeps talking - can't be explained!
Just when you think he's done,
He drops another ton!
Of rancid verbal excrement excreted from the re-cesses of his
brain, brain, brain, brain...
 
(Sing along, folks!)
 
If you try to suggest
To this subhuman pest
That he should stop nagging - silence is best!
Then he will first pretend
his rant is at an end
But then he starts all over cos' there is no shred of reason in Kenny's
brain, brain, brain, brain...
 
(Hang in there, folks! The end is in sight!)
 
What's wrong in Kenny's brain?
Why is he such a pain?
Did his parents spoil him - who can explain?
Why is his every word
The biggest fart you've heard?
The only answer is his colon turns and feeds directly into his
brain, brain, brain, brain...
 
(Final verse!)
 
I'll say it to you plain!
If Kenny has a brain
It gives a new meaning - to being insane!
The mystery of the week
Is how this shit can speak
Cos' no-one knows what goes on in the turd that passes for the brain of
Kenneth C. Eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eng!
 
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BLOW THAT JERK AWAY
(Sung soulfully to the tune of "Take My Breath Away" from TOP GUN):

If I hear another self-important speech by Eng...
Then I'll cut my ears off so that I won't hear again...
Guinness Book of Records lists him under "Biggest Pain"...
Reaching in slow-motion for a gun I stop to say...
Blow that jerk away...

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SHUT THE F**K UP YOU KENNETH C. ENG
Sung to the tune of Village People's "YMCA"

Kenneth!
No one makes love to dragons like
Kenneth!
Was there a sex Nobel Prize, he would
get it!
Only he can imagine, that a-ny crea-ture would touch
Kenneth!
Says "Hitler was no coward", so
Kenneth!
Why don't you get a clue, you won't
Get it!
We won't listen to you
when you open your big mouth, so...

Chorus:

Just shut the f**k up you Kenneth C. Eng!
Just shut the f**k up you Kenneth C. Eng!
You have shown to the world!
That you think like a turd!
So please don't say another word!

Go shut the f**k up you Kenneth C. Eng!
Nobody wants to hear Kenneth C. Eng!
Cos' your wiener is small!
And you're bound for a fall!
And the girls say you have one ball...

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KENNY'S BRAIN (short version)
Sung to the tune of "Pinky And The Brain"

Look into Kenny's brain!
Look into Kenny's brain!
He thinks he's a genius - but he's insane!
This Eng he is so lame,
It's really quite a shame!
It's kooky,
It's crazy in his brain, brain, brain...

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THE KENNETH'S FACE
Sung to the tune of "Der Fuehrer's Face" by Spike Jones

When Kenneth says, "I am the master race!"
Sieg Heil! Heil! right into Kenneth's face
And admiring Hitler is a big disgrace
So Sieg Heil! Heil! right into Kenneth's face

Kenneth will bring new order
Heil! Kenneth's brave new order
"Hitler was not a coward" is what Kenneth said
Kenny's brain is a big - disorder

Is he not a superman?
Furry dragon superman!
Ja! he is the Superman
Super-duper superman!

When Kenneth says, "I am the master race!"
Sieg Heil! Heil! right into Kenneth's face
To have sex with dragons is a big disgrace
So Sieg Heil! Heil!... right into Kenneth's face!

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WE SHALL OVERCOME KENNETH C. ENG
Sung to the tune of "We Shall Overcome"

One day, Kenneth Ee-eng
One day, Kenneth Ee-eng
Your ass will be kicked so haa-aaa-ard!
Oooh, deep in my heart
I do believe
Your ass will be kicked so hard.
 
-Amen!
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When Kenneth C. Eng Lies In The Grave
Sung to the tune of "When Johnny Comes Marching Home"

When Kenneth C. Eng lies in the grave, hurrah, hurrah!
We'll celebrate with a big parade, hurrah, hurrah!
Cos' he is a creep and his books they stink,
He has no manners and cannot think,
And we'll shout hooray when Kenny lies in the grave!
 
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THE KENNETH CHE-TEW ENG SONG
Sung to the tune of "The Mickey Mouse Club Theme"
(from FULL METAL JACKET)

Who's the biggest jerk who ever thought that he could write?
K-E-N N-E-T-H C-H-E-T-E-W !
Who's the dorky furry freak who thinks he's always right?
K-E-N N-E-T-H E-N-G !
Kenneth Eng! Kenneth Eng!
Kenneth Eng! Kenneth Eng!
Is so stupid, stupid that we wanna cry! cry! cry!

Who thinks dragons having sex is great to write about?
K-E-N N-E-T-H C-H-E-T-E-W !
Who thinks we will feel the same if he just screams and shouts?
K-E-N N-E-T-H E-N-G !
Kenneth Eng! Kenneth Eng!
Kenneth Eng! Kenneth Eng!
Keep your dumbass dragon fetish to yourself! Self! Self!

Who's the pervy freak who just don't know how to behave?
K-E-N N-E-T-H C-H-E-T-E-W !
Who's the one-man brownshirt who says Hitler was so brave?
K-E-N N-E-T-H E-N-G !
Kenneth Eng! Kenneth Eng!
Kenneth Eng! Kenneth Eng!
You got a knack for making people hate! hate! you!

Who's the biggest jerk who ever thought that he could write?
K-E-N N-E-T-H...
 
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BONUS: RIDDLES
 
Q: How does Kenneth Che-Tew Eng change a lightbulb?
A: He thinks that since he is so bright, the room can't be dark.


Q: Why did Kenneth Che-Tew Eng cross the road?
A: He's the only person in the world who can even make a road cross.

Q: Why is Kenneth Che-Tew obsessed with dragons?
A: Because the unicorns sent him a "Dear John" letter.


Q: Kenneth Che-Tew Eng has said that he's a genius. Why does the rest of the world disagree?
A: Either the rest of the world is far behind him, or he's the biggest behind in the world.
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